Nowadays it seems that being alone is a disease and people don’t want to catch it, I’m not understanding why so many people, namely women, have problems with being ALONE.
I have questions:
Why can’t you spend time alone with yourself?
Do you dislike yourself that much?
Why do you HAVE to have a “him”/”her”?
Do you love YOU?
Acquaintances have told me that they “do NOT like being alone”. I don’t *get* that. Why is the need to HAVE someone important? Do you take time to heal or recognize why your previous relationship didn’t work or do you just jump into a new one?
I find it sad that someone can not date themselves. Taking yourself to dinner, the movies, museum, etc. Why do you NEED to have a mate with you or girlfriend? There’s no need. I guess the bigger questions are:
DO YOU KNOW YOURSELF?
DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF?
Seriously, do you know YOU? do you love YOU? Being alone is NOT a death sentence, it doesn’t make you any less of a person and it doesn’t mean that you have the Bubonic plague and have to be quarantined forever. Get to know yourself. Spend time alone with you and love yourself.
We all know that cliche “if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.” it’s TRUE though. If you can’t stand being alone by yourself why the HELL would someone else want to spend time with you? Think about it. If you can’t enjoy yourself doing things that you like to do alone, then honey, you aren’t ready for any kind of a relationship.
The fear of being alone can delve back into your childhood, not wanting to be like your mother who was alone for her entire life. You not being alone can also have to do with something that YOU don’t like about yourself. Self doubt, low self-esteem. Those things might not have anything to do with the present, but it could deal with issues in your past.
Let me be the first to tell you that you think you’re A-OK and can handle this, that and the third, but there’s some fear somewhere, you don’t consciously know WHY you feel this way, but subconsciously you’re afraid. You never know. I’m an advocate for therapy. Psychotherapy is an amazing tool, talk to someone. If you have tendencies to jump from one relationship to another within days/weeks, you might want to re-evaluate yourself. It’s not a bad thing, but just figure out why being alone by yourself is something you can’t do.
Love yourself above anyone else. If you find it hard to love yourself…anything about yourself, please do this little exercise, write down anything that you like about yourself. Your ability to do whatever it might be and focus on the good, trust me there’s something good in there, somewhere. Dig deep in yourself and find that, find more and start to love YOU.
If you’d like to talk about this further, email me vixenvarsity *at* gmail.com