I have been asked how I’ve been able to control myself all this time and not taking any ADHD medicine. It’s hard, especially since I didn’t get a “diagnosis” until last year, but I KNEW I had it. You can read more about My ADHD “discovery” here. For me, when I woke up in the morning was when I knew what kind of day that I was going to have. I would tweet the level that I was on and whether or not I was going to accomplish anything that particular day.
When I knew that it was going to be a bad day for me ADHD-wise it would start off with an overwhelming feeling. Like a wave, a dark wave and I would feel suffocated, then the thoughts would literally pour in. Read this as a complete run on sentence.
What am I going to do today?
I guess I’ll start editing some videos.
Videos, I remember MTV had music videos
music, girl you know it’s true, i love you
dreads I wonder what I would look like with dreads
maybe braids, braids would look better, Brandy always had braids
her edges oh man her edges, I wonder what they look like today
why were her eyes so far apart? Is she an alien?
are aliens real? Is area 51 legit or is the government lying
they always lie but jack nicholson said you can’t handle the truth
that’s true, truth hurts, why do people lie, lying is not cool
be honest tell the truth who said i can not tell a lie, was that
george washington no i think it was abraham lincoln, why is he on the penny
because he abolished slavery and they put him on something brown i just LOVE
brown lipstick it makes my lips look mysterious. i love my lips, they’re so pretty
if my lips were bigger i’d look funny, why do people inject colagen in their lips
white people really have no lips, angelina jolie has lips, i love her lips,
i want to suck her bottom lip she’s so sexy i wonder what she smells like
i wonder what brad pitt smells like why did he leave the girl from friends
whats her name rachel, rachel and ross cute couple, he had a baby
when they were on a break why break up and you’re going to get back together
is a break needed you just need space or do you want to have sex
with someone new.
See that’s what I would go through every bad day and the whole time I’m having this thought process. I am rocking in my bed, turning channels on the tv, switching positions, touching my toes, moving my toes, blinking, grinding my teeth, just moving…moving…MOVING! Can’t keep still. WHY can’t I keep still? If something catches my eye, I’m just like a kitten with a shiny new toy.
If the thought process got so bad I had to reset my brain. I would have to lie in bed, lights/tv off, blinds drawn, eyes closed and just sit in darkness til it got quiet. Until my thoughts came to a whisper. Sometimes it took 45 minutes, one time it took 2 hours. I couldn’t shut up. My brain would NOT SHUT UP. Now if that happens during the day, guess what goes on right before bed? The same damn thing.
Having ADHD is so exhausting. On top of the fact that the thought processes barely STOP, I’m tired because I can’t sleep. I’m not productive because I had to sit in the dark for 2 hours with my eyes closed and now I can’t do everything on my to do list. My focus is gone, what’s focus? How do you do that? I’m not sure because I can’t stop thinking about why do I have moles on both of my big toes and how are moles formed and how do they just pop up on you.
That’s just focus issues. I forget things, I forget where I put things, what I have to do, when I am supposed to do it, what time is it supposed to be done. Post It notes are my friend. Siri is my friend. It’s hard, I can not tell you that living with ADHD is fun and I can’t tell you how being in a relationship with someone with ADHD is smooth sailing. Ask BeauxKnows, he can tell you, “horror stories” well, they’re not THAT bad, but there have been problems between us because I have ADHD.
My name is Dreamy and I have ADHD. I have a mental illness and that’s okay.