I wanted to thank everyone for reading the first five questions from our Fatherhood round table; I can tell you I was personally inspired by these men. I stress again that parenting is a very difficult but rewarding circumstance; I do not have to be a parent to see this. So to wrap up the dad portion of this article, I bring you questions 6 – 10…again thank you for reading and if you do not follow these guys on twitter, do so; they’re all quality follows and would be glad to discuss fatherhood with any of you. Don’t forget, please respect their answers as these are the methods that work for their fatherhood situations- Jordan
To recap, use this link to see the first 1- 5 questions….
6. How do you personally handle disciplinary actions with your children?
@AbsotheGreat: With kids that young I noticed 1 thing: things that matter to us don’t matter to them and things that matter to them don’t matter to us. Kids wanna do what they want. But sometimes what they want isn’t what we want for them; you got to curb those habits from these early ages. So whatever necessary discipline is needed I’m for it, as long as it’s not endangering the child.
@Trinidread: Well this is a touchy subject my wife and I have had many disagreements over; but now we have reached a consensus on it. So now when said transgression is done whoever is there has to make a spilt decision to pick a role good cop or bad cop, Good as In talk to her softly about said act and let the other parent dish the harsh discipline. Or if it’s bad she get her ass buss right there on the spot and the other parent have a nice talk to her about actions. We both try to not be harsh on disciplinary actions.
@Dapadon: I am a punkkkkkkk with a capital P…ill yell at her then turn to mush when she hugs me or ill give her a stern look and she proceeds with her newest line” oh come on dad, come on its ok I forgot” smh I may be the worst disciplinarian ever with her lol.
@Stretchd: Depends on the situation. Most times it’s a timeout or getting sent to their room and nothing allowed to be on; other times getting smacked is necessary. Smacking in my house is rare but it does happen. It all depends on the situation
@Eastnyc: Depends on the severity of what they’ve done, Could be a timeout to a talking to, to a pop on the hand.
7. Do you believe that parents sometimes focus their attention on one child over another (unless he/she was a special needs child)?
@Eastnyc: Yes, But sometimes it’s needed to help a child’s development.
@Dapadon: Once again I have only one child but this same subject is the reason why I’m hesitant to have another. I wouldn’t want any of my children feeling less loved or feel like one is the favorite over the other and being that she’s both myself and her mom’s only child she gets fawned over a lot by my family and her mom’s family so idk how myself having another child would make her feel.
@Trinidread: I’m not sure about this can’t say in all homes but I’ve seen it before when a child is preferred over their sibling by parents. I got one I can’t comment.
@Stretchd: I’ll be the first to tell you, yes. I know for a fact I give all my attention to my daughter Leelee. I know I will be like that with my younger daughter too. It’s crazy because I can’t explain it. You see everyone saying they don’t want daughters as a father. I think it’s because my daughter shows me more attention than anyone; daddy’s little girl.
@AbsotheGreat: That might happen, in my case it’s not focusing on 1 over the other its different attention for each. Leia is only 1 so naturally the attention is based on physically watching her. Sky is a few years older. She knows what’s right and wrong… but at 5 she’s still in the curiosity stage. She asks questions we answer. It’s less about watching her more about paying attention.
8. How much of YOUR parents do you see in yourselves as you raise your children?
@Trinidread: Wow. Well I hated my pops to an extent but the funny thing is I’m just like him everything about being a father I learned from him. My mom passed when I was a toddler so my pops raised my older sister and I alone, he was school teacher. He did everything provide, cook, clean, wash, even combed our hair and we all had long hair even he got a full head of hair he rocked a pony tail lol. So yea I see a lot of him in me cuz being a seasonal worker my wife hold majority bills down and I hold the house down I do everything so if it wasn’t for him I probably won’t be the man I am today. (I need to tell him this one day tho).
@Dapadon: I can honestly see more of my dad than my mom in me. Mom was the disciplinarian; the one who grabbed that belt when it was time. My dad was more of the talker and unbearable lecturer and I probably talk my child’s head off trying to discipline her I can’t bring myself to really beat her smh.
@Stretchd: I’m grateful for the fact that my father was in my life to teach me not only how to be a man, but how to be a father. I see my father in me when I’m raising my kids daily. Teaching techniques, homework help, learning how to do stuff around the house, etc. my mother was always the less strict one. And I see that when my kids, especially my daughter asks me for a present and I just can’t say no.
@Eastnyc: Not much at all.
@AbsotheGreat: A little bit. My Dad had more of a stricter parenting style… My Mom was more of a free spirit. Its sounds like it would work. So a little bit of both styles is what I’m working with.
9. Now on the subject of absentee parents (mothers or fathers), what would you say to a single parent trying their best to pay both roles?
@Stretchd: Love, no matter what. Show love every day. Let them know how much you love them. I do that every day with my kids. It’s not about the materialistic things when raising a child. It’s about them knowing that no matter what, you love them. And in turn, they will love you too.
@AbsotheGreat: Don’t, because you can’t play both role, it’s impossible. Be the best father or mother you can be. Those roles are irreplaceable.
@Eastnyc: I commend you; it’s hard raising children with both parents there so i can only imagine the hardships you face.
@Trinidread: Well I say this to them don’t try too hard to give the support of the opposite sex find a good role model of that missing gender in the child’s life and let them help out a bit, but overall just be there for them cuz you’re all they got if one of the parents are not present.
@Dapadon: I wouldn’t really wish that on any child because I’ve seen the effects of it. It develops a disdain for the sex that is absent from the child’s life whether its male or female. On the flipside I know some AMAZING single parents who are just awe inspiring with the way they make things happen for their children. My advice would be to love your child no less, never make them a crutch to get back at the absentee parent, & never let them hear you badmouth the other parent. You never know when they’ll grow up and step to the plate and then you’ve already sewn seeds of hatred in the child.
10. Finally, what is YOUR secret to being a great father?
@AbsotheGreat: Prepare to learn. Parenting is all about experience and learning. Years can teach you what books can’t.
@Stretchd: Have fun. Be there. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. And always listen. No matter how tired you are or want to go to bed. When they want to tell you something, listen. That means the world to them that you are showing interest in what they like. Don’t think there’s a real secret in being a great father. It’s a learning game. Only secret I know, is never let them find out you’re not a real super hero.
@Trinidread: Balancing the emotional and affectionate side of you while maintaining a strong presence cuz you’re a man, Cuz that’s what your job is, to show your son how to be a man or show your daughter what a man is supposed to look or be like.
@Eastnyc: There is no secret, Love cherish and nurture your children. Always be there when they need you; it’s no secret, it should be human nature.
@Dapadon: The secret? When someone discovers it please inform me lol. I think the formula just really is love, nurturing & leadership. A mother is a wonderful thing & a matriarch generally holds a family together, but a child needs that father’s guidance, that protection, the assuredness that when all else fails dad will deliver.
I would like to thank @Dapadon, @Stretchd. @Trinidread, @AbsotheGreat & @Eastnyc for their participation. I wish you guys the best of luck on your journey through fatherhood; hopefully mine will be as awesome as yours have been.
Look below for shameless plugs!! – Jordan @_Physicism