Blood Splatter, Decapitation, and Rough Sex Couldn’t Save 300: Rise Of An Empire – Movie Review

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On Wednesday, I went to an advance screening of the movie 300: Rise of an Empire with ProfessorBLove, his review of the movie is coming later.

300: Rise of an Empire is a movie that I would definitely suggest you wait for it to come out on Showtime. Why? Well because it felt like a straight up version of Spartacus, the Showtime series which once starred the late, Andy Whitfield. 300: Rise of an Empire was full of so much blood splatter, that Dexter Morgan would have been in his element. The gratuitous 3-D blood splatter across the screen was one of the many issues that I had with the 3-D experience.

300: Rise of an Empire is the sequel to the 2006 movie 300 that was directed by Zack Snyder and starred Gerard Butler, Lena Headey and Rodrigo Santoro. Santoro and Headey reprised their roles for 300: Rise of an Empire. Santoro played Xerxes and I was very disappointed in the amount of screen time that he received along with the fact that he barely fought. He went to “war” without showing any fight scenes. As far as Queen Gorgo (Headey) is concerned there was entirely TOO much of her, well her voice anyways. She did entirely too much voice over work throughout the movie, I couldn’t stand listening to her anymore. I dozed a few times, to be honest.

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The STAR of this movie was Eva Green, who played Artemisia. Artemisia was bad ass, point blank period. I was more interested in her character, she was a fighter to the end. Sullivan Stapleton was the main character in this movie, his role as Themistokles was decent, he’s a quick thinker and apparently he “fights harder than he fucks.” Not my words, folks. Themistokles life revolved around fighting for Greece. Whereas Artemisia, blood of a Grecian, sided with Persia because of how she was abused and parents killed by Greeks. She hated Greece and wanted everyone and their mother destroyed and Themistokles stood in her way. Artemisia knew that Themistokles was what stood in her way and wanted him on Persia’s side, so she used her feminine wiles against him.

And THAT was when I actually opened my eyes and was intrigued.

There was this amazing sex scene between Themistokles and Artemisia that was just perfect between them. Two head strong warriors who during a break of battle decided to screw each other. Now, you can’t picture these two killers making love, that would totally be a farce…but if I said they FUCKED, then you better believe me when I say THEY FUCKED! Hair pulling, choking, slammed into the wall, biting, rough sex, switching positions with such force and violence it just made me well….nevermind. Now remember all of that was to get Themistokles on Persia’s side to destroy Greece. While Artemisia was on top of Themistokles, she told him to join us (Persia) he said NO. LMAOOO!!! No seriously, the crowd watching laughed. Her expression was totally priceless! Needless to say Artemisia wasn’t pleased and then a sword was drawn because she was in her feelings, hilarious.

That, in my opinion, was the best scene in the movie. Otherwise I was bored. Thought I was watching Sleepy Hollow with all the decapitation and heads being tossed at the screen. The plot was weak, the fight scenes were great in the beginning, but it was just on repeat.  I was confused when it came to the battle on the sea. Persia had these great ships, whereas Greece had these ships that didn’t look as if they were capable of ramming into the Persian ships without crumbling to pieces. I just didn’t see that happening, but hey it’s the movies so….yeah.

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300: Rise of an Empire consisted of the following: blood splatter, decapitation, floating embers, the sea, sex and more blood.

I should’ve had a V-8 instead of watching this movie. It wasn’t ALL bad, but it damn sure wasn’t ALL good. I would give it 2 stars, but because of the awesome sex scene it gets 2 and a half stars. Like I mentioned in the beginning it felt like a straight up version of Showtime’s Spartacus series, minus the sea.

This movie gets a NAH from me.

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