That’s me, in a nutshell. “I’m fine.” “Everything’s great.” I keep up appearances without letting anyone know the proverbial shit has hit the fan and I’m down in the dumps. Those who legit know me, know this routine of mine and they call me on my BS. So, over the years I’ve learned other methods without having to lie to someone about how I really am.
Professor NFLGIRL20, my best friend, we used to talk EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for hours, as long as I can remember. We’ve been friends for over 6 years now and she knows how I get when things get rough for me. So for the past 3 months, I’ve avoided her. I love her to pieces, I just don’t want to talk to her. She hasn’t done anything to me, I just know that if we talk, she’s going to ask how’s things and then I’ll be forced to lie to her. I don’t lie to the people I love. So to prevent the lying, I just disappear. She reaches out to me occasionally and tells me that she loves me, misses me dearly and she’s here for me when I’m ready. I tear up when I read those messages, I don’t respond because I am not ready.
That’s the thing about depression, you want to be alone, left alone in your pit of despair and when you’re ready to climb out of the hole, YOU will. I don’t need a rope or a ladder to help me out of my hole, because, I am NOT ready. Just leave me alone, let me disappear into the rabbit hole. Please.
I can talk business with you every day all day and that’s because it has absolutely NOTHING to do with anything personal. It’s cut and dry, to the point and it’s only business. When things start to turn to personal, that’s when it’s time for me to end the conversation. I’m not ready to discuss anything personal and frankly, I don’t give two shits about your personal life. That might sound so mean, but it’s the truth. I can’t deal with anyone’s personal life because I can’t deal with my own life. If you’re happy and things are going absolutely amazing in your world, don’t tell me. There’s no hate involved, I’m happy for you, but it’ll make me depressed even more. Same thing if your life is going through turmoil, I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that, but it’ll make me sink deeper into my depression.
So, I do the bare minimum…brief contact, business only and then I’m ghost. It sounds so rude, but honestly, I don’t care. I can’t deal. I’m not ready.
“But they’re your friends, you can talk to them.” – Everybody
That’s true they are, but you can’t MAKE someone talk until THEY are ready to talk. Period. Besides that, I don’t want anyone to know my business. It’s my personal crap that I have to deal with and once it’s dealt with, you’ll have your friend back. Not a moment sooner. Harsh, I know, but that’s the way it has to be.
I can get on twitter and tweet from sun up til sun down, but you’ll never know that there’s anything wrong. Only my friends who know me, like they know themselves, know what’s up and they respect that and let me be until I’m ready to take that step. I keep myself occupied with work, otherwise I’m drowning in despair, and work is better than occupying myself with a bottle. I don’t self-medicate anymore, I shut down and right now that works for me. I’m sure there’s better coping methods, but at this point in time I don’t care.
I want to thank Professor NFLGIRL20 for being the best friend that she is, by leaving me the hell alone. It does sound funny, but it’s the best thing she can do right now for me and I absolutely love her for it. Now I can’t say that this works for everyone, BUT, it does for me. If you are a friend of someone dealing with depression, just pay attention to how they act towards you. I guarantee you that they’re not doing it to be mean, they just need their space. Keep an eye out, let them know that you care and love them and you WILL be there for them, but don’t smother them. They have to deal with their depression and there’s nothing that you can say or do to get them out of their depressed state. Just offer them, OCCASIONALLY, an ear that will listen and not judge them. It means a lot. Be patient with them, they will come out of their funk soon enough. They’re not avoiding you because they don’t like you anymore, they’re avoiding you because they don’t want to talk about what’s going on in their lives.
Respect that. PLEASE.
*Please note that there are different levels of depression and a friend might need you more than what this article states. Only YOU know your friend and the level of friendship/help that they need. This is just based on what I deal with. Thank you.*